I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
