I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
sarcasm needs its own font
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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