dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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