I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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