Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
