he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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