I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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