I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
