you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
