Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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