i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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