i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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