i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
