I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
