I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
