No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she woke up with a sticky ear
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
