Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
