you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
