why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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