Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
