i don't like sucking hair
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
