He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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