Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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