u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
