none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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