It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
