I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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