It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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