you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
