wrigley field is MILF paradise
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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