called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
