why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
