he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
