how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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