I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize