I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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