Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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