dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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