is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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