u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
