I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
