this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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