Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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