Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
