We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
