Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
