I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
