If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
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dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
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I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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