by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
