How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you inspire me to be a worse person
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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