You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
