I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
