True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
