After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
