drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Text me some of your sweat
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
