I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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