He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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