How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
