Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
