tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
