wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
