based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
