i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize