So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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