I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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