Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
