Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
