There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
