You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
