Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
