sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize