after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
