we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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