so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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