Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
