I CAN MOONWALK!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
