You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize