we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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