Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
